Get Ready Southern Cailfornia Here Comes Miss Emma Jane

I'm sitting here trying to think of something to write and the only thing that comes to mind is the fact the my baby girl's going to California for most of the summer. Emma Jane will be staying with my sister (the mother of my wonderful niece and nephew) and mother (the worlds best mommy) most of the summer. What am I going to do without her? Emma went on a camping trip for 3 days and I was going insane all weekend. I talked Chris into going to a friends house to hang just so I could get out of our house. When she walked in the door on Sunday I wouldn't let her go. She just curled up with me on the bed and we just layed there hugging each other in quiet. We do everything together. Whenever I leave she's with me. It's very rare that she isn't in the back seat singing along with me to Sara Bareilles or even makeing up our own radio stations. My favorite station is the Unicorn Station. All love and magic. What am I going to do without my best friend this summer. Yes you read correct...my best is my 9 year old daughter. She knows me so well it's almost scary. She does little things that make me think.. "I used to do that when I was her age!" I know that she'll have fun and that is what's really important. I want her to have the opportunities that I didn't growing up. Of course I went on vacations with my family and all, but nothing like this. This is a once in a lifetime experience. I'm blessed to have family that can do this for my daughter. Emma's been looking forward to this trip since the beginning of the year. She has been really patient the last few weeks of school. But now she realizes that it's coming up VERY soon and she's ready for some fun. I'm not all upset and such, just to let you know. I'm sad that Emma is going for such a long time, I'm sad that I'm loosing my singing buddy, but trust me I NEED THE TIME!! Chris and I were talking and we haven't had this much time away from children in 14 years. Emma will be in California, Alex will be at his fathers, Lacey and Katelynn will be on a week on-week off schedule. Chris and I will have a week at a time without children. It's going to be nice at first not to hear all the noise and bickering. With that's going on maybe we all could use a change of pace and states.

Happy Mother's Day Mommy!!

Okay so this might not be the best picture of my mother and I, but it's all I've got. (hint hint wink wink) Any Hoo--Mother's day is just around the corner and I wanted to say a couple of things. My mother is someone I've always considered my role model. Ever since I was a little girl I've looked up to her. I remember being only 5 years old and bragging to our neighborhood babysitter that my mommy made the best monster cookies. And she does. I remember being 10 years old and sick with Pneumonia and my mother made me feel better just by her touch. I remember when I was 14 years old and felt like the world was crashing down on me, my mother was there to pick up the pieces-no matter how big or small. I remember when I was 16 years old and got my heart broken for the first time, my mother was there to wipe away my tears. I remember when I was 18 years old and graduated high school, my mother was in the stands cheering louder then anyone. I remember when I was 20 years old and gave birth to my first born son, my mother was there to hold my hand and tell me to push. I remember when I was 21 years old and I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl, my mother was there to hold my hair back and tell my to breath. I remember when I was 25 years old and left my abusive husband, my mother was there to shelter me and show nothing but love and support. I remember when I was 28 years old and wanted to marry my first love, my mother through me the most wonderful wedding any little girl could have ever imagined. I remember when I was 31years old and had to make the hardest decision of my life, my mother was there to smooth out my fears. My mother is the life that I breath. She is the reason that I'm alive. She's my Mommy and I love her!!

Counseling, Therapy and Betrayal

It has been a real up and down week for our family. Chris started therapy on his back. I have to go to rehabilitation on my hips. Emma is starting therapy for her anxiety. And my best friend in the world stabbed me in the back. Let me start with Emma Jane. We had a meeting at her school last week about her attention span and anxiety at school. Emma is a bright student but has a hard time concentrating on reading and math. She is fine in both subjects, in fact she went from a C to a B in all subjects. She is trying really hard and Chris and I can see this. We just think that she needs a little help. Someone who can teach her to cope with her anxiety. She starts in about 2-3 weeks. Emma will go once a week with a counselor specializing in her needs. Does that make sense? Hope so. Anyway, Emma is looking forward to this. She doesn't like having anxiety attacks either. Chris and I have to go the physical therapy for our back and hips. Chris has had back issues for a while now and it's just getting too bad. So he had to get help. I, myself have really had issues with my hips for the last 15 years or so. It feels like my bones are paying me back for my rowdy youth. Who knows?! As for the betrayal. Let's just say I have 2 less people to buy birthday and holiday gifts for. Just keep thinking..........POSITIVE THOUGHTS!!!

My Life Around Me

Somthing From The Heart

Okay so not many people know that I used to be very overweight. If you are one of the few whom seen me at my biggest know it was very hard on me. I worked and worked to become healthy. Not fat, not skinny just healthy. When I was at my biggest (2000-2004) I was 250 lbs!! At my skinniest (2007) I was only 100 lbs. I was very depressed and alone at the time when I was heavy. I was going through a time that was very stressful. I had 2 children within 22 months and alone. My son was dianosied with Autism. My daughter couldn’t hear very well and needed to go to speech therapy. And to take the cake I married a man who not only hit me but called me the most hurtful things. In this time I gained so much weight that I couldn’t do anything. I was running in circles, going no where. I was in such a rut that I would eat a whole family sized cherry pie by myself, drink a 24 pack soda/day and feel sorry for myself everyday. There were times that I would try to loose the weight. I would try all sorts of different diets and fads. I found a Dietitian and she pointed me in the right direction. Teaching me how to eat correctly and not over due it with food. It worked for a while, I lost about 100 lbs or so over a year time. Then I got married and it all came back. The man I was married to was a horrible monster. He was so mean that the only thing I could do right was eat his cooking. So that’s what I did. For about a year. When I decided to leave him I lost about 20 lbs or so. I was getting thinner. When the divorce was final I lost another 50 lbs. When I got married to my TRUE LOVE Christopher in 2004 my weight was furthest from my mind. I didn’t care what I looked like. He loved me for me nothing less. Just me. I admit I had gotten comfortable in our relationship and put on a few pounds but I even didn’t care. It wasn’t until I tried to quit smoking that I put on the most recent weight. I ballooned up to about 220 lbs. I needed to do something and do it fast. I got a job that I really loved and was working during the time that I would normally eat. And when the pounds started falling off I went crazy with it. I stopped eating all together. I only ate when I was around my family. Just to prove that I was eating. I never ate a work. If I ate in public or in front of friends I would nibble and push the food around or take it home and gave it to Chris. By July 4, 2007 I was only 100lbs. I went to a family reunion and everyone was stunned. Some people said that I was fit looking, but needed some meat. Others stared and gossiped. Some members of my family thought I was on serious drugs because my weight plummeted so fast. This was my wake-up call. Now it’s almost April 2008 and I’m a healthy 135 lbs or so. I have kept myself at this weight for the last couple months and I’m finally comfortable with myself. I like me for who I am.